


Consumed

by snow_haiku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftercare, Age Difference, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Armin is a cinnamon roll, Bottom Armin Arlert, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, First Time, Gentle Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Just Friends, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Neediness, Rare Pairings, Sharing a Bed, Sometimes you just need some Levi dick, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), not beta read (sorry), slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 00:07:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19139611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snow_haiku/pseuds/snow_haiku
Summary: Learning to deal with his new titan abilities has Armin shaken, unsure of himself, and unable to transform.  While the rest of humanity behind the walls is counting on Armin to easily adjust to his new role, Armin feels like he's losing himself as he's forced to deal with becoming something he never wanted.  Isolated and afraid of turning into a monster, Armin begins to fall apart until Levi comes to deal with unresolved issues between them and to remind Armin of his humanity.





	Consumed

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! I actually posted something :)
> 
> Spoiler warning: If you haven't read the manga or you're not 100% up to date with the anime, then you're going to get majorly spoiled.
> 
>  
> 
> Alright, I’ll fully admit: 1. I love shipping Armin/Levi 2. there are too few Armin/Levi works out there so I had to write one 3. this absolutely never happened in the narrative and never would happen. But I needed it lol
> 
> This takes place right after Armin gets his titan abilities (bye Bertholt!). We never get to see Hange experimenting with Armin or even Armin’s first transformation because of the time skip (which always annoyed me a bit) so I figured I’d write out my head cannon of how that all worked.
> 
> Admittedly, no part of my head cannon is the Levi/Armin smut that comes along with this. I had to include some smut because it’s me and I like that ship. But I fully acknowledged that it is slightly OOC (it honestly would make more sense with Eren instead but I’ll save that story for later lol) but meh. Hopefully you’ll be as okay with it as I am now!
> 
> Disclaimer: Please don’t read smut if you’re not supposed to. I do not own anything from SnK/AoT.

Armin already hated this.  

He knew, deep down, that this wasn’t his role to play.  He was little, weak Armin. A tiny thing. A sickly thing.  His skills and strengths were in books and thinking and plotting.  He wasn’t a warrior like Mikasa. And he certainly wasn’t a weapon, like Eren.  But now, he was expected to be both.

He glanced up at the distant hill where Eren’s crystal glimmered faintly on its crest.  Experimenting with Eren’s titan had been a bit easier because the soldiers were able to be in relative proximity to him without being in danger.  But with Armin’s new titan, the danger was more evident. Even if he transformed properly without a single problem, he would still transform into something massive, which required them to keep their distance.  More concerning, however, was that he might transform violently - as Bertholt had done in Shiganshina - essentially turning himself into an explosion that would kill anyone nearby. To be safe, Hange had the team retreat to a distant hill and had Eren transform first and use his hardening abilities to form an additional barricade to the hill’s crest.  Even with the precautions in place, their safety was still not a guarantee.

On the hill were Hange - now the Commander of the Survey Corps - Levi, Eren, and a few other soldiers borrowed from the Garrison.  Borrowed because the entire Survey Corps was essentially annihilated. And somehow Armin was still alive. Alive and now a monster.

Armin pushed the thought away again.  He had been thinking about monsters a lot lately, especially ever since Bertholt had called them devils.  If Armin was a devil before he inherited his titan, then what did that make him now?

He tried not to think about his so-called inheritance.  It was a gentle and sanitized word for a terrible thing.  Thank the walls he had no memory of what happened, but he could still remember his friends’ faces when they told him.   _He ate Bertholt._

Yes, Bertholt had betrayed them and was trying to kill them; and he had succeeded in killing a great number of the Survey Corps as well as being the cause of massacre in Shiganshina.  Those were facts that Armin could not forget. But he also remembered Bertholt’s fear when he took shelter inside Reiner’s hands. He remembered the desperation when Armin lied about Annie.  For all Bertholt’s talk of needing to kill the devils within the walls, the 104 remembered him talking about killing; Armin remembered him talking about needing to do it, like he didn’t have a choice.  The reason Armin had tried to negotiate with Bertholt was because he believed he could be saved.  He believed that reason could win and that perhaps his friend Bertholt might return from the Colossal.  But in the end, Armin became just as monstrous as Bertholt. He killed his friend. He _consumed_ him.  And it made Armin’s stomach twist just thinking about it.

When they told him what happened, he could see the looks on their faces.  When they told him how he was injected with the serum and turned into a feral titan, he saw the disgust on their faces.  He almost wondered what he looked like but he knew better than to ask. He had seen enough of the grotesque shapes to know that whatever his titan form was, it was monstrous and deformed.  When they told him that he ate Bertholt he saw the fear on this faces. He had become the thing they hated, the thing they hunted and killed, the thing that ruined their lives. He was a titan; a monster.  They were fairly sparse with the details, but Armin heard the rumors later. That Bertholt had begged for his life. That Bertholt had pleaded with them, that he had called out to his friends to save him. And that Armin mindlessly devoured him.  No matter his opinion on Bertholt’s actions, Bertholt was his friend. _And Armin ate him._

And now Armin had the ability to transform into the very monster that caused the deaths of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people. The very image of destruction, hopelessness and hate was now his.  He had become the very monster everyone hated and feared.

Armin drew in a shaky breath when he saw the green line of smoke issue from the top of the hill.  That was Hange’s signal, telling him to transform. He reached his hand down to his belt his fingers brushing over the canisters of red, yellow, and green smoke; he could stop the mission right now if he wanted to.  But he knew he couldn’t. Steeling himself, Armin moved his fingers down the belt to the small knife that rested at his hip and drew it.

Armin held the knife loosely in his hands.  Right before Hange and the others had departed, she had ducked back and pressed it into his hands.  

“This might be easier,” she said, almost gently.

When Armin had looked up at her in confusion, she almost smiled.  “There might come a time where you’ll need to bite yourself like Eren to cause the wound but - I don’t think his style entirely suits you.  This might help.”

 _Bless Hange,_ Armin thought, _because she was right._  He didn’t relish the idea of biting into his own skin.  He, too, passionately opposed the titans, but his passion was by far more reserved than Eren’s.  Most people’s were. But while he was thankful a smart part of him whispered that she gave him the knife because she knew he couldn't do what needed to be done.  He didn’t have that raw, desperate drive that Eren had. Eren had practically embraced his monstrous side, using it proudly to fight the very creatures he hated. But at least when Eren transformed, he looked fairly human.  At least he looked a little like himself. At least Eren had his own titan that everyone simply called “Eren’s titan” although now they knew it had a proper name. Still, no one called it the Attack titan simply because it was Eren’s and always would be.

But Armin’s titan?  It had a name. It had infamy and death attached to it.  Eren’s titan was an organic extension of himself; monstrous, yes, but still wholly Eren.  Armin inherited Bertholt’s sins along with his titan. And now, instead of being able to transform into a titan that was his, Armin’s only choice was to transform into a titan everyone already knew and feared; a literally weapon that brought only death at near-genocidal levels.  That was Armin’s inheritance.

 

_________________

 

Armin looked down at the sharp knife.  He knew he was being irrational. Clearly he knew how to do what had to be done when he sacrificed himself to defeat the Colossal.  But he hadn’t expected to survive. And now he had a whole new series of responsibilities he never thought he’d have to deal with. And he didn’t think he was up for the task.

Armin took a deep breath and placed the edge of the blade against his palm.   _He needed to do this_.  They were counting on him to be able to do this and if he couldn’t even make a simple cut, then he truly was useless.  Even though no one was remotely near him to hear the sound, Armin held back a hiss of pain as he pressed the blade into his skin and pulled.

It hurt.  He had never tried cutting himself before and the deliberate pressing of a sharpened blade into his skin made him flinch at the unnaturalness of the act.   _All of this was unnatural._

Armin pushed the thought away.  He needed to focus on the task at hand.  Hange and the others were counting on him.  They were counting on him to be able to do this because he was chosen to live while Erwin died.  He needed to be able to do this.

Armin let the knife fall to the ground, trying not to think about the blood welling up in his hand or the sharp throb that jarred his senses.  He had the wound. He had the ability. Now all he needed to do was focus his mind on transforming into a 60 meter tall monstrosity. Armin swallowed and tried to imagine the Colossal titan, tried to picture what it looked like, but all he could think about in that moment was the fear he felt when he faced it - and the overwhelming sense of guilt that he shouldn’t have made it this far in the first place.

 _Don’t think about that,_ he told himself sternly. _Focus on triggering the transformation._

Armin stared down at the blood in his hands. welling up into a small pool in his palm.   _He shouldn’t be alive._  He had chosen to die - planned to die - and somehow he was here instead of so many others who deserved to live more than he did.  Especially Erwin. The fact that the choice came down to him and Erwin killed him the most. He would have felt guilty about some nameless soldier dying in his stead, and it would have been unbearably terrible if it had been one of the squad leaders like Hange.  But for it to be Erwin, Erwin of all people. It was a burden he was utterly unable to fill.

He could see it in Hange’s eyes.  Or, more accurately, her one eye. She, too had made sacrifices.  Not just her eye or the burns crisscrossing her skin, visible when she pushed her sleeves up.  But he squad - her entire squad - dead. And Moblit. Poor Moblit. There was a love and respect between them that destroyed Hange as much as losing Eren or Mikasa would have destroyed Armin.  And at the end of all of it - to lose Erwin - and to have to take his place? Hange was a good leader and she was the best Commander she could be. But she was a scientist. She wasn’t Erwin. And they all knew it.

Hange and Armin had a close working relationship and also had a lot of mutual respect for each other.  But now Armin could feel a gulf growing between them. He knew Hange had argued for Erwin to live. And, without saying it explicitly, for Armin to die.  And while she acted completely normal around Armin and had expressed happiness that he was alive, Armin could feel the weight of her burden. She lost her leader and now had to bear a mantle she never wanted.  All for exchange for him. They all, it had seemed, gotten the short end of the deal in that.

And now Armin was expected to be as precise and deadly as Mikasa, as savage and enthusiastically monstrous as Eren, as brilliant as Hange, and now as stoic, calm, and steadfast as Erwin.  Those were the sacrifices made for him. Those were the people depending on him to become something he simply didn’t have the ability to become. _He couldn’t do this._

 _No,_ he told himself again, _don’t think about that.  Visualize the transformation.  Visualize what you need to accomplish._

But no lightning came, no burst of light, no sudden appearance of the second largest titan ever seen.  All that remained in the field was little Armin, trembling alone in the grass clutching his bloodied hand into a fist, trying to hold back a sob.

 

_________________

 

Armin almost cried when he saw the red signal flare but he couldn’t tell if it was in shame or in relief.   _Hange was calling it quits for the day._

More humiliatingly was that he had to climb down into a hole dug specially for him to wait for Eren to come report orders to him.   _The well,_ they called it, as if that made it any better.  Whatever its name, it was still a hole in the ground that Armin was forced to retreat to until he could be trusted with his own powers.  At least in the hole no one could see him and he had a blessed moment of peace and solitude to wrap himself in.

When Eren finally made it to where Armin’s hole was Armin again had to wait.  Eren’s titan peered over the edge - something probably not allowed by Hange - and looked at Armin, looking as concerned as a titan could manage.

“I’m sorry, Eren,” Armin called up.  He didn’t know what else to say and it wasn’t like Eren could respond anyway.  Eren’s titan nodded and made a gesture for him to stay put. Moments later Armin could hear the strange glass-like creaking of Eren’s hardening taking effect.

The protocol, according to Hange, was that Armin needed to test his new titan abilities.  But unlike Eren’s titan, Armin’s was a literal weapon and one wrong move could result in mass casualties.  For this reason, until Armin mastered some level of control, absolute caution needed to be taken. To protect their twin assets, Eren and Armin were supposed to be kept away from each other, in case something happened to one.  Armin knew that Eren was kept away from him when he had first transformed so he wasn’t surprised that now he was kept away from Eren; but it didn’t make things any easier for him. One small relief was that for the purposes of this test, Hange had allowed Eren to come, only to supply his hardening ability.

They were unsure if Eren’s titan could survive a blast from the transformation of Armin’s Colossal.  They were equally unsure if his crystalline hardening could as well and until they were able to start running tests, Hange was being cautious.  That’s why Eren had to retreat to the distant hill with everyone else, shaping defenses out of crystal around the soldiers. And it was why even with Armin down a dark hole Eren was instructed to harden to make some sort of defensive barrier before he emerged from his titan, just in case.

_Just in case Armin becomes a monster and accidentally kills Eren._

Armin swallowed down his shame, looking instead at the dirt while Eren finished, clutching at his throbbing hand.  Eren really didn’t even need to bother; he wasn’t in any danger. Because Armin couldn’t visualize the Colossal titan; he couldn’t picture becoming that monster.  Armin could only see himself as horribly, uselessly dangerous and frustratingly weak.

 _Why couldn’t he do it?_  All he needed to do was visualize what he wanted to achieve and for some reason he failed utterly.  Armin almost sobbed when he realized he had even failed at sacrificing himself. _What was wrong with him?_

“Oy, Armin!”  he finally heard Eren call down after a few minutes.  A part of him couldn’t help but wonder _was that how long it took Eren to harden his titan form?_ And more concerningly: _was that how long he was being scorched alive by Bertholt for?_  Armin closed his eyes.  He tried to never think about it: his supposed last act that became an opening salvo to this nightmare.

“Armin!”

Armin tilted his head up and saw Eren’s worried face appear at the edge of the hole.  “I’m sorry,” he called up. “I - I don’t think I can do it.” _At least he was able to see his friend, if only from afar._

Eren smiled but even from a distance Armin could tell how forced it was.  Hange probably instructed him to be supportive and encouraging. “That’s alright!  It took me a few times before I was able to do it properly, too.”

Armin ignored this, knowing full well that it took Eren a few tries because they were unsure how the transformations were triggered.  But Armin knew now. He needed to visualize a need for something in addition to his injury. He needed to visualize needing to become the monster.  But unlike Eren, he wasn’t as eager to transform into something so terrible.

“Yeah,” Armin responded.  There was no sense in trying to call Eren out on the lie.  Eren was just trying to help.

“How’s your hand?”

Armin lifted it up, blood still trickling freely.  “It’s still bleeding,” he answered honestly. “And it hurts.”

Eren laughed, the amusement echoing down the well hole.  “It’ll heal up soon, I promise.”

Armin knew it would heal but he didn’t want it to.  He didn’t want these damn abilities.

“Armin,” Eren called down again.  “Hange said you can come out of the well, but you’ll need to stay the night here.  We’re bringing you supplies and a tent for the night but - ” He hesitated, his teal eyes concerned.  “You’ll have to camp down here while he stay up on the hill. Hange just wants to be extra cautious.”

“Understood,” Armin called up.  He remembered all too well hearing about the first few batches of Eren’s tests.  Armin distinctly remembered that when Eren had failed to transform at first, his wounds remained open and later resulted in him manifesting an arm.  Except with Armin things were different. If he were in camp and reached for a spoon, manifesting even a single limb like an arm could easily result in wiping out half the camp.  Armin wrapped his arms around himself. He knew he was being childish, but telling himself that didn’t help. He was not only a monster, but also a weapon: something feared, something deadly, something that prompted caution from even his closest friends.

Armin had never felt so alone.  And he didn’t know how much longer he could bear it.

 

_________________

 

Armin stayed down in the well until he heard an acoustic shell, signaling he was allowed to climb out.

When he made his way out of the hole, he found a deserted field and near the tree line was a single tent, made up for him by some of the soldiers.

Swallowing, Armin made his way over to the tent, trying to be thankful that at least they set it up for him.  

Taking a deep breath, Armin slowly made his way over to the tent.  Whoever had set it up had hastily dug a fire pit and left him some wood.  A bag was inside the tent containing some rations, some blankets, and a handful of other supplies, all neatly bundled in a few bags. _At least they gave him decent supplies._  Perhaps that was Hange’s gesture of kindness or Eren’s insistence on helping his friend.  Either way, it was appreciated, but also only served to reinforce how alone Armin was. After he bandaged his wounded hand, Armin took one last look up at the crystal on the hilltop where the rest of the soldiers were camping before ducking inside the tent, trying his best not to dwell in his misery.

But Armin wasn’t able to sleep.

He didn’t even bother to unpack anything; he simply unfurled one of the bedrolls on the ground and threw himself onto it.

His hand was throbbing painfully; each throb reminding him of his failure to transform.  Each throb echoing his shortcomings to him, his weakness, his monstrosity that linger under his skin, bubbling up with his blood, just waiting for the lightning to wrap steaming flesh and bone around him.

Night had fallen hours ago and since he had failed to make a fire, he had no light.  There was probably one of the strange torches made of glowing ore from the Reiss Cavern that he could use but he didn’t want to bother.  In the darkness he felt safe. In the darkness he didn’t have to think about titans, devils, or monsters.

Before he know what he was doing, Armin had left his tent.  His heart was suddenly beating too quickly, his pulse throbbing in his veins, in his head, in the cut on his hand - and suddenly he had to leave.  He had to run. He didn’t know where and he didn’t care. He just had to get out of the tent, he had to get away from the distant hill with its glittering crystal.  He just needed fresh air so, without thinking, he left.

Armin stumbled blindly in the darkness, letting his tears flow freely.  Here, no one could hear his weakness; they couldn’t see him cry, they couldn’t see him fall apart.  Every moment he drew breath he felt himself losing more of himself, he could feel his humanity slipping away moment by moment, stripping all of what was Armin away and leaving behind nothing more than a monstrous titan.

He knew it was why he couldn’t transform.  He knew that there was a fear deep inside him - just as Eren was unable to transform when he found out about Annie’s betrayal, Armin was unable to at the thought of losing himself utterly.   _He couldn’t do this._

Armin knew that he needed to pull himself together but he had been pulling himself together over and over and over again for so long he no longer knew which pieces fit where.  

He collapsed against one of the trees, breathing shakily as he tried to catch his breath, letting the darkness surround him for whatever comfort it could offer.

 

_________________

 

It might have been minutes or it might have been hours; Armin didn’t know because in the darkness he wasn’t sure how quickly time was passing.  All he knew was that his heart had finally calmed and he had stopped crying and panicking, although he still felt a empty numbness in his chest.

Armin blinked, his eyes having finally adjusted to the dark, and looking around the forest.  Here, it was quiet. There was nothing but the cool night air, the rustling of the wind through the trees, the faint creaking of the branches.  There was no war, no titans, no blood, no monsters. Just little Armin Arlert in the forest.

Armin let out a slow breath, settling back against the tree. _He could stay here forever._

“Oy,” a voice said softly in the near darkness.  “Armin.”

“C-captain!” Armin gasped, nearly falling over in surprise.  He certainly wasn’t expecting to see Levi suddenly appear from the darkness between the trees.  “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“Tch.”  Levi sounded annoyed.  “I didn’t expect you to be more trouble than Eren was,” Levi said in a low voice.  A moment later, Armin heard the sound of metal creaking and a light appeared, shining from the lantern in Levi’s hand, making Armin blink in the sudden brightness. “Why did you leave your tent?”

 _Of course,_ Armin realized, _they were watching him from afar._  He should have known leaving his tent for so long would raise concerns, but in his distress he wasn’t thinking clearly.  “S-sorry,” he said softly, slowly rising to his feet.

“Sorry?  You nearly gave Hange a heart attack.”

Armin guiltily realized that the others at camp were probably terrified of the thought of a loose cannon running around the forest, capable of transforming into a bomb at any moment, coupled with the fear of potentially losing their second titan.  “I - I didn’t mean to,” Armin murmured.

He hesitated, then suddenly realized that Levi was standing only a few paces away from him. And that his hand was still throbbing. _If he got emotional, he could accidentally trigger a transformation and kill Levi._ Armin swallowed and took a careful step back, all too aware of his throbbing hand signaling that he still had an open wound. “I’ll go back now.”  

Armin turned in the direction of his camp but when the light didn’t fade into the darkness of the forest he turned around to find that Levi had also continued walking back with him. “C-captain?” he asked softly, hesitating near one of the huge trees.  “I - I still have a cut on my hand - ”. He trailed off. Levi knew what that meant.

Levi, however, seemed utterly unconcerned.  “It’ll heal by tomorrow,” he said, completely unaffected.

Armin hesitated.  “Shouldn’t you - go back?  It’s - dangerous. I - I could kill you.”

Levi didn’t seem remotely concerned.  “It’s no more dangerous with you than it was with Eren,” he said flatly, continuing to walk alongside Armin.

Armin blinked in surprise.  They both knew that wasn’t true, since Armin’s titan was exponentially more dangerous than Eren’s, but a part of Armin was too thankful to protest.  Levi was always a difficult read, even for Armin, but the only possible reason Armin could figure that Levi was accompanying him back to the tent was because he was concerned for Armin’s well-being.  He felt a small pang of guilt at that: that he was willing to risk Levi’s safety for the moment of comfort that Levi’s presence provided him. But Levi was still walking slowly beside him, his grey eyes fixed forward, leaving little room for a protest that Armin didn’t have the energy to attempt to raise.

As they slowly made their way back to the campsite in silence, Armin couldn’t help but wonder what Levi thought of him.  Levi alone had made the decision to give Armin the serum. Levi could have given the serum to Erwin, humanity’s greatest leader and Levi’s closest friend - he could have given Erwin the serum and have his friend be alive and whole.

When they finally arrived at the lone tent on the edge of the trees, Levi surveyed the dark campsite with a frown.  “Tch. Do you not know how to start a fire?”

“I - I do, Captain,” Armin responded, startled that it should even matter. In truth, he was better at starting hearth fires than campfires, but that was simply because he tended to be indoors more often than not.  “I was just too tired after the test.” It seemed like a better response than admitting he was too emotional to build himself something as simple as a fire.

Levi sighed softly.  “Go get the flint. Four eyes should have left you some, unless she doesn't even trust you with that.”

Armin blinked in confusion.  “C-captain? You - you should go.  My hand - ”

“Doesn’t concern me,” Levi finished, bending over to toss some of the kindling into the hastily dug pit.  “You need a good night’s sleep if the experiment is going to work tomorrow and you’re in no state now to have that happen.  Go get the flint so you can have a damn fire.”

Armin hesitated, then gave a curt nod.  “Yes, Captain.” It was easier to force himself to perform mindless tasks and even easier for him to obey his superior’s commands.  He didn’t have to think, he didn’t have to worry. And in many ways, it was a relief. Levi staying behind and ordering him around felt so _normal._  

Armin rummaged through the packs left behind until he found the tin with the flint.  As he handed it over to Levi, the captain accepted it without even glancing down at Armin’s bandaged hand.  It was like Armin wasn’t a bomb just waiting to ignite. It was like Armin was just a regular person.

 _Levi wasn’t afraid._  There was no part of his demeanor that suggested fear or even hesitation.  He was acting every bit the captain he always did; short and scathing, all sharp corners and rough edges, but beneath it all was a warmth that Armin only ever glimpsed in passing but now he felt it nearly radiating from the small man.  Levi was not being overly kind, sensitive, or comforting; he was simply treating Armin like a human being instead of like a bomb just waiting to explode. It was strange to admit it, but all Armin really wanted was to feel a little bit human and Levi was giving him exactly that.

 

_________________

 

“You should eat more,” Levi said flatly.  

After Levi had made a fire, he had also ordered Armin to unpack the supplies, including the food, and watched as Armin timidly ate some of the provided rations.

“I’m sorry,” Armin said, looking down at the hard biscuit in his hand.  “I just - haven’t been very hungry lately.”

“Lately?” Levi questioned.  “You mean since you obtained your titan.”

 _His titan._  It was a lie and it made Armin flinch.  It was Bertholt’s titan. It was Bertholt’s monster that now lay dormant within him.  Armin touched the bandage wrapped around his hand nervously.

“Armin,” Levi said, and this time his voice was a little softer.  “If you’re not eating, Hange needs to know. The transformation takes up a lot of energy, so if that’s what’s affecting your ability to transform - ”

“It’s not,” Armin spoke before he even realized it, startling himself.  “That’s not the reason.”

“Then what is?”

Armin shook his head. He couldn’t tell Levi the truth.  “It just - it doesn’t feel real.”

Levi gave him a sidelong glance, almost pityingly, but Armin could see the irritation underneath.   _So many people had sacrificed so much and Armin couldn’t do the one thing he needed to because it was a strange situation?_  “I know it must be difficult to accept, but the sooner you accept what you are, the sooner you can help p - ”

“You should have saved Erwin,” Armin whispered, the words leaving his lips before he could stop himself.

Levi froze, watching Armin closely for a moment, his narrow eyes fixed on the shivering blonde.  Then his eyes narrowed. “We’ve been over this before, Armin."

Armin looked up, his eyes wide and his features drawn.  “You should have given the serum to Commander Erwin, not me.   He - he would be able to use the titan power. He’d be able to save everyone behind the walls.  I - I can’t do that. I just can’t.” Armin choked back a sob. “I’m - I’m sorry,” he whimpered, turning away from the captain in shame.  “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

Armin wrapped his arms around himself, feeling nothing but loathing at himself.  “For - for being me,” he whispered miserably. Erwin wouldn’t be crying like this.  Erwin would have accepted his new predicament stoically and heroically, and would have dealt with any internal criss internally.  Not by sobbing to his captain and showing exactly how weak he was.

They _had_ been over this before.  And Levi told him not to live with regrets.  He told Armin that giving Armin was his choice and his choice alone.  Armin had already argued that Erwin should have received it. And yet, it didn’t seem like enough.  Because it was one thing for Armin to promise to do his best to help humanity as a new titan shifter.  But it was another thing entirely for him to actually be able to do it.

Armin was startled when he heard Levi stand up and move closer to him, seating himself next to Armin in the tent so that their legs were nearly brushing against each other.  Armin opened his eyes, feeling a twist of guilt in the pit of his stomach at that and looked up at Levi in confusion.

“Armin,” Levi said softly, looking less than thrilled, but resolute.  “I’m not leaving you,” he said flatly. “Tell me why you can’t transform.”  

“I - I’m a monster.” Armin closed his eyes, unable to look at the captain.

“You’re not a monster,” Levi’s answer was quick and simple.  But it wasn’t enough. That wasn’t what was really bothering Armin.

“They told me - later - you didn’t want Erwin to become a monster.  So you let him rest. That’s why you chose me. You - you knew this would make me into a monster - and you did it anyways.”

Levi turned to him, something unreadable passing over his features.  “Armin,” he said his voice soft but firm. “That’s not why I chose you.  I never would chose to shape someone into a monster. People only become monsters when they chose to be one.”

“Then why did you chose me?  Why didn’t you just let me die?”

Levi frowned in annoyance.  “I didn’t know you were so eager to die,” he said flatly.

“I - I wasn’t.”  The words sounded hollow. “I’m not.”

Levi let out a sound that might have been a sigh but Armin couldn’t quite tell.  “So do you think I chose you to get the serum because I wanted you to die over Erwin or because I thought you were a monster?”  Levi looked up at Armin, his eyes hard. “Which one was it?”

Armin swallowed, unnerved but still determined.  “I just want to know why. Why - me?”

“Why you?” Levi almost scoffed.  “I didn’t choose to have you get burned alive, Armin.  I gave you the serum because I had a choice between two equally almost dead men.”

“No,” Armin shook his head.  “That’s - that’s not what I mean.”  He drew in a deep breath. “Why did you choose to make me into - into a monster?”

Levi looked surprised.  “I didn’t give you to the serum to make you a monster, Armin.  I did it to save you.” Levi’s typical tone of annoyance cracked and anger began to filter through.  “Why do you not understand that?”

“A few months ago,” Armin whispered.  “You - you told us to kill. When Eren and Historia were captured and the Military Police were fighting us, I - I killed her.  I killed to save Jean, but I still killed a person. A human.”

Levi’s anger disappeared.  “That’s what this is about?” He asked softly, looking surprised.  “The girl you shot?”

Armin looked away, unable to stop trembling in both anguish and fury.  “When I figured out that Annie was the Female titan, I had to trick her to try to make her go underground.  I’ve - I’ve never had to lie before. Not like that. Even when Eren, Mikasa, and I were living on the streets, I didn’t lie.  And - and I had to lie so Annie would believe me.”

Armin wrapped his arms more tightly around himself.  “It - it didn’t feel bad. I’ve - I’ve never been strong before.  And this was the first time that it felt like I had a strength. And - I liked it.  I felt - useful.”

Armin glanced up at Levi.  “When they told me you wanted me in your squad, I was surprised.  I thought Hange would take me or maybe someone else in Wall Sina or at a base.  I wasn’t in the top 10 like my other friends - I’m not a fighter. So I didn’t think I’d be wanted.”  Armin frowned. “I’m the only one in you squad that didn’t place top of the class. And - when you asked me to join I was happy at first.  I felt - valued.”

“When we found out about Reiner and Bertholt I thought that maybe I was still being useful.  I hoped that it would be enough and that I was the one you wanted on your squad because even if I couldn’t fight, I could plan and strategize and think.  But - when Eren was taken away - I had to lie again. I told Bertholt - terrible things - and I felt a part of myself crumble with every word - but I said what I had to say because it was what I had to do.  And I began to realize - that you didn’t want _me_ at all.  You wanted - something else.  You wanted me to become something worse.”

Armin closed his eyes.  “Eren’s always been happy to embrace his titan.  He’s always been eager to kill and destroy every shred of Marley from the moment his mom died.  He likes being a monster. But I don’t. I didn’t even know there was a monstrous part of me until I joined the Survey Corps.  And the longer I’ve been here the more of myself I seem to lose. I thought it was Erwin’s fault for a long time - that Erwin was making me change into something that wasn’t really me - until I realized the fault was actually yours.”

“Mine?” Levi asked softly, his eyes a steely grey.

“Yes.”  Armin looked up at Levi, his features hard.  “You told us to kill. To kill people. And of all the things I’ve had to do, the worst I ever did was lie.  But as soon as I started working with you, I killed a person.”

“You killed her to save Jean.  You killed her because you had to.”

“I killed her on your orders!  And you told the rest of them to kill as well.  You gave that order. You actually told us to become murderers.”  Armin’s fist clenched. “I’ve been telling myself over and over again that I shot that girl to save my friend.  I told myself that every night. And some part of me thought that it was alright for me to die - to sacrifice myself for Eren - because maybe it would atone me from everything I’ve done.”

Armin felt himself sitting up straight, he felt the blood pumping in his veins, his hand throbbing with every word.  “I tried to turn away from this path but you - you brought me back. And worse - you brought me back as a titan. A literally weapon of death and destruction.  Even if I were a titan like Ymir’s I might be able to stand it. But the Colossal? I - I can’t do this. I can’t be this. That thing is a monster - it destroys everything and kills everyone.  And you turned me into it.”

Armin’s eyes were bright with anger and frustration and fury as he stared down at the silent captain, heat rushing through him.  “All I wanted was to keep a part of myself - to just be a good person - a human being - for as long as I could - and you took that away from me.  And now I’m this horrible, monstrous thing that does nothing but kill. You’ve been stealing my humanity from the beginning, piece by piece, and now there’s nothing left.  Now I’m nothing more than a literal monster. A monster that you made. All of this - it’s your doing!”

Levi blinked, his face completely blank.  As Armin stared at him, infuriated and defiant, Levi slowly reached into the bag of supplies left behind by Eren and probably other members of Hange’s team and pulled out a tin.  Wordlessly, he opened the lid and began removing supplies to make tea.

Armin watched him, feeling unnerved at the captain’s silence.  “You’re not going to say anything?”

Levi unscrewed the cap on the canteen and poured water into the kettle, still not saying a word.  Armin watched him as he set the kettle on the fire, Levi’s face still impassive and giving little indication at his thoughts on the matter.

“Say something!” Armin said.  Anything would be fine. Levi could deny it, he could admit it - he could say anything so long as he said something at all.  But as the silence stretched out, Armin slowly felt the anger deflate from him. There was no point in confronting Levi. To Levi, he had done what humanity needed and if Armin was hurt by that, then it was a small price to pay for the safety of humanity.  Armin looked down at the ground, starting at the dirt until he heard the kettle begin to hiss.

“Here,” Levi said, his voice soft and somewhat flat.  “Drink.” When Armin hesitated, Levi pushed the cup into his hands.  “If you’re not going to eat, you at least need something in your stomach.”

Armin stared down at the dark liquid in the cup.  He hadn’t eaten in days and while he knew he should try to drink some of the tea, he couldn’t bring himself to try.  He’d rather feel weak than feel the strength of the Colossal flowing through him; at least when he felt weak he felt like Armin.

Levi sat near him, looking into the fire.  “You’re not a monster, Armin,” he said finally after a long silence had stretched between them.  In the dim flickering light of the fire, Levi looked as exhausted as Armin felt. “ And I didn’t shape you into one.”  Levi’s grey eyes surveyed Armin as he watched him from over his cup. “I chose you over Erwin because you were the one would would shape the future within these walls,”  he said bluntly. “Precisely because you are not, in fact, a monster; not because I wanted to make you into one.”

Levi let out a slow breath.  “If you want to know why I chose you - it was because I overheard you.  You and Mikasa and that brat were sitting on the steps before we rode out to Shiganshina.  You were telling Eren about how you wanted to see the ocean.”

Levi looked wistfully away, a clouded look coming over his features.  “Erwin was - a great man. But anyone who claims that I should have chosen him over you didn’t know him well, then.  He -” Levi hesitated, unsure of how to phrase something he had never spoken aloud before. “He was a man with a singular focus.  And for a long time it was how to protect humanity - to save humanity. But in the end, it started to change. He was - consumed - with thoughts of what was in the basement.”  

Levi shook his head again.  “Erwin was a great man and in the end he did his duty and gave his life to protect humanity.  But that’s where his life needed to end. Humanity’s shield could not go out beyond the walls and become its sword.  He needed to rest. He needed to be at peace before what was beyond the walls consumed him and destroyed everything good in him.”

Levi paused, his features softening.  “But you - you wanted to go beyond the walls to see the ocean.  You wanted to see the world, to explore it and cherish it.” He glanced over at Armin.  “I chose to save you because you’re not a warrior or a soldier. You’re all of what humanity should be and I needed to protect that.  I will always protect that.”

He turned to Armin.  “You’re not a monster, Armin.  You never have been and if I have any say in it, you never will be.  I’m sorry for what you had to become, but I’m not sorry for what you’ve had to do.  Your lies exposed an enemy that sought to destroy us, your actions are what saved your friend - how is there any shame in that?  I am sorry that you feel like you’re losing a part of yourself - but I am telling you that it’s still there, uncorrupted and true.  You’re one of the best of us, Armin. And that’s why I had to save you. Because between the two of you, you were the one who was trying to be the most human: you wanted to see the world, the sea; you wanted to save your friends and protect this land.”  

Levi looked almost wounded for a moment.  “I loved Erwin and would have followed him to the death - but as much as I wanted to bring him back, it wouldn’t be fair.  It wouldn’t be fair to bring him back just to be a monster. And that’s - as much as I don’t want to admit it - that’s what he would have become.  But - bringing you back - it gives humanity hope. It gives us a reason to keep being human. You being a titan doesn’t make you a monster any more than Eren’s titan makes him one.  You’re still Armin. That’s all that should matter to you. That’s all that matters to me.”

Armin stared at Levi, his eyes wide.  “You - you really believe that?’

Levi sipped his tea, look unapologetic.  “I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.  But that’s how I made the decision I made.”

Armin looked down at the cup in his hands.  “You - you don’t think I’m a monster?”

“Not at all,” he said, some of the previous annoyance creeping back into his voice.

Armin let out a slow breath.  “Thank you,” he said softly.

Levi gave him a sidelong glance.  “Feel better?” he asked flatly, the affection stripped from his voice once more.

Armin stared at his tea, considering.  “No,” he answered truthfully. “I still feel like I’m losing myself.  But - I’m not as angry at you now.” He glanced up at Levi, suddenly feeling guilty for making Levi think about deciding to let Erwin die.  “I’m sorry, sir. I - I think all of this will still take some getting used to.”

Levi nodded.  “You’ll need to if you’re going to be able to transform into the Colossal.”

Armin looked away at that.

Levi made a soft sound and sighed, as if he had regretted bringing up the Colossal.  “C’mon,” he said, pushing himself to his feet.

Armin unsteadily rose to his feet.  He was tired, he was admittedly hungry, but he was mostly emotionally exhausted.

Levi caught him as his knees buckled, at his side so quickly it was as if he expected Armin’s legs to give out.  And he very well might have; Armin knew he looked terrible.

“C’mon,” Levi murmured, his voice almost gentle as he held Armin up.  “Let’s get you to bed.”

“It’s - okay,” Armin whispered, trying to make his voice sound stronger than it really was.

Levi pulled Armin into the tent, setting him down gently on the bedroll.  “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow morning - ”

“N-no!” The word left Armin’s lips before he realized what he was saying.  Levi paused, looking surprised. Armin felt his cheeks flushed but he had already said it so there was no use backing out now.  He pushed himself up to a sitting position, his eyes wide and desperate. “Please - don’t leave.” Armin hated how soft and pitiful his voice sounded.  “I - I promise I won’t transform. Just - stay. For a little while.”

The surprise in Levi’s eyes faded and he paused, considering Armin’s request for a moment before nodding.  “Sleep, Armin,” he said, his voice almost gentle. “I’ll stay here tonight.”

Armin drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees.  “It’s - it’s alright,” he whispered miserably. “You might as well go back to camp.  I won’t sleep anyways. It’s - it’s fine. I’ll be alright.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed.  “Have you been sleeping at all?”

Numbly, Armin shook his head.  “No. I keep - having nightmares.  So I’d rather not bother.”

Levi frowned.  “You need your sleep, Armin.  You of all people.”

“No,” Armin whispered.  “It’s alright. I’ll be fine.”

Levi looked over at Armin for a long moment, his grey eyes soft.  Then he let out a long sigh and to Armin’s great surprise, seated himself next to Armin, so close that they were almost touching.

Armin blinked, lifting his head in surprise. Levi was sitting so close to him that he could faintly detect the smell of tea.  Dimly, he wondered if Levi could feel the heat radiating from Armin’s skin, a terrible side effect of having the Colossal deep in his blood.  

“You and that brat are used to sleeping together, right?”  Levi shook his head slightly and for a moment he looked almost amused.  He glanced over at Armin. “Eren couldn’t sleep in his jail cell for the first week either.”

“Really?”  It was hard to picture someone as fierce as Eren unable to sleep because his friend wasn’t at his side.

Levi gave a curt nod.

Armin stared ahead, too nervous to look at Levi.  “I - I wish Eren were here,” he whispered. He missed his best friend.  He missed Eren and Mikasa both. Their protection, their comfort, their familiarity.  He could always be himself when he was with them. They had always protected him, even when he was little.  Armin wished he had their protection now.

Levi sighed softly but his annoyance didn’t sound as genuine this time.  “You two are going to be the death of me,” he muttered before moving closer to Armin.  Levi made a soft sound, then leaned over. “Come here,” he said roughly and pulled Armin to his chest, wrapping his arms around him.

“C-captain!” Armin gasped in surprise but Levi didn’t flinch.  They stayed there for a moment, Levi’s arms around Armin, and suddenly all the anxiety Armin had been feeling, all the uncertainty and doubt, simply began to melt away.  He felt like he did before. He felt like he was with Eren, secured and safe in the comfort of another human being. “Captain,” he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning into Levi and letting the man embrace him.

Armin could feel Levi’s heart beating, steady and reassuring; he could feel the heat radiating off Levi’s chest through his clothes; he could smell the soap Levi used, the tea on his breath.  Armin lifted his head up. He had never been so close to another person other than his family; he had never been entwined in someone’s arms, comforted by someone he had only known for less than a year.  And of all the people in the world, it was Levi. It was a man few knew beyond the legend and even fewer knew as a person. And here he was, hugging Armin like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“It’s alright,” Levi murmured softly, his voice so quiet Armin almost didn’t catch it.  “Just calm down.”

Armin knew Levi could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, but he was so surprised by the captain’s sudden show of affection that he didn’t know what else to do other than to lean into the embrace and let its comfort wash over him.

“Captain?  You should go,” Armin whispered into the fabric of Levi’s shirt.  “I could transform.”

“You won’t,” Levi said simply.  

Armin pulled away slightly.  “You’re - you’re not afraid of me?” he whispered.

Levi tilted his head down to look at Armin straight on, his features softened in a way Armin had never seen before, but just as reassuring as they always were.  “No,” Levi answered. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Armin felt something in him strain and then break; all the emotions he had been forcing down bubbling up and fragmenting into a dizzying array.  He drew in a shaking breath and felt Levi’s embrace tighten, as if Levi _knew_ he was falling apart and together at the same time and didn’t know what to do.

Armin looked up again at Levi, for a moment marveling how close their faces were.  He had never been so close to another man or woman; he could see the flecks of blue in Levi’s grey eyes, he could see the individual eyelashes, he could see the faintest scars, faded to white, that crossed Levi’s pale skin.

He didn’t know what he was doing.  If he had known he never would have done it.  But suddenly he just wanted more and since he was already being held, he pushed himself up only a few mere inches and his face was suddenly so close to Levi’s it just made sense to kiss him.

Armin kissed Levi, unmoving, just resting his lips against Levi’s for the briefest of moments.  He wasn’t sure in that moment what it was he was expecting or what it was that he needed, but some part of him told him to do it, so he did.

A moment later he became cognizant of what he was doing.  A moment later he snapped back to reality and realized that Levi - Captain Levi - Humanity’s Strongest - was showing him a kindness by comforting him and he decided to repay him by kissing him.

Armin’s eyes widened and he quickly pushed Levi away.  “I’m - I’m sorry!” he gasped, his cheeks flushing a dark red.  “I - I don’t know why I did that - ” He didn’t have words to explain why he did that or what he wanted and for the first time Armin felt himself at a complete loss at what to do or say other than to stare at the very intimating captain before him.

Levi, to Armin’s surprised, did not look disgusted or disturbed.  Instead, he seemed almost curious. “Ah,” he said so softly that Armin almost didn’t catch the words.  “So that’s what you need.”

“C-captain?” Armin whispered, not sure what was happening as he remained crouched in the corner of his tent, frozen in fear.  All he could think about was the beating Eren took during his trial; _would Levi do that to him, too?_

Levi made a humming sound and to Armin’s surprise slid closer to him. “Is this what you need, Armin?” he asked, no trace of mockery lacing his words.  His gaze was even and unflinching as he returned to the blonde’s proximity.

“I - I don’t know,” Armin choked, utterly confused at what was happening.   _What did he need?_

Levi seemed to understand Armin’s confusion.  He reached out and gently cupped the side of Armin’s face.  “Have you ever been with anyone, Armin?”

Armin’s wide eyes stared at Levi in shock.  Some part of his brain registered what Levi was doing.  The logical part of him knew that Levi was asking questions to maintain the best course of action.  He was using Armin’s name - something he rarely did - to establish an empathetic bond. He was initiating physical contact, showing that he wasn’t afraid of Armin and demonstrating an ability to comfort him -

Armin’s thoughts drifted into a blur in his mind.  He didn’t want to think right now. He just wanted to surrender to something - anything - and feel human again.  “No,” he whispered. Of course he’d never been with anyone. Who would ever want to be with poor, little Armin? And who would ever want to be with him now that he was also a monster?

Levi nodded, no judgement evident on his features.  “Is this what you want?”

Armin blinked heavily, trying to stop more tears from rolling down his cheeks.  “I just want - I want to feel like - everything’s alright.  Like I'm still me.  Still - human.”

Levi’s head tilted to the side curiously.  “Everything is not alright, Armin. And telling you that it is won’t make you feel any better.”

“I - I know.”  Armin took a steadying breath and then pushed himself away.  Levi watched him, his face blank. “Th-thank you - for not - being upset,” Armin said shakily.  “But I’ll be alright. I’m - I’m sorry that I crossed a line. I - I don’t know what came over me but I promise it won’t happen again.”

Levi blinked, surveying Armin with the slightest hint of amusement on his features.  “It’s alright, Armin,” he said after a long pause. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“Yes I do,” Armin insisted, keeping his gaze lowered, his cheeks still a bright pink.  “I shouldn’t have done that. I - I understand if I need to be reprimanded for such actions.”

Levi made a soft sound at that.  “Reprimanded?” he repeated, the slight edge of sardonic amusement coloring his voice.  “You’re not Eren. I don’t think you’re the type who will respond well to reprimanding.”

 _Eren._  Armin’s eyes widened at the thought.  What was Eren going to say when he found out that Armin kissed Levi?  Armin didn’t know.  Armin didn’t want to know.   _Eren was going to kill him for this._ “I’m sorry,” he said again, not sure of what else to say.

Levi still looked amused.  “Everyone needs something different,” he said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.  He reached up and gently brushed a stray lock of Armin’s hair from his face. “Eren needed discipline.  And you - you need something else.”

“C-captain?” Armin breathed, utterly unsure where this was going.

“You want to feel human?” Levi asked softly, his eyes soft and all too understanding.  “You want to feel like you’re not a monster - like you’re not all alone in the world, even though it feels like you’ve been reshaped into something - wrong?”

Armin blinked.  “Yes.”  He didn’t know how Levi knew or how he could possibly know any part of that, but Levi was utterly correct.

“It’s alright,” Levi said in an impossibly gentle voice.  And suddenly Armin was all too aware of how close they were and what Levi’s hand felt like against his cheek.  “I can give you what you need.” And suddenly Levi was leaning forward and Armin had a moment to realize that Levi was going to kiss him.  Levi.  Armin felt like melting when he felt Levi’s lips meet his but unlike Armin’s kiss, Levi’s was dynamic.  Levi was moving. And Armin was falling, spiraling out of control, letting himself be consumed by every part that Levi had to give.

When Levi pulled away again, Armin gasped, drawing in a lungful of air as if he had forgotten how to breathe.  He could feel his cheeks flush a deeper shade of red, he could feel his mind spinning in confusion and of faint happiness; and he could feel a warm coil in the pit of his stomach dropping lower and lower ot settle between his legs, stirring and swelling.

Levi turned Armin’s face back towards his.  “Armin,” Levi said softly and the way he spoke his name, drawing out each syllable in a soothing sigh made Armin.  “Is this alright?”

“Yes,” Armin breathed.  He had never once even so much as entertained the thought of being with Levi - of even being at a point where he could speak to Levi in anything but a professional manner - and now, Levi was kissing him.  Armin hadn’t known it before but now all he could think of was how much he wanted it to consume him. “Yes!” Armin wanted to bury himself into Levi, he wanted to be immersed in the heat of his skin, in his scent, in the calming storm that was Levi’s larger than life presence.  Armin clung to him, letting himself be overwhelmed by Levi’s touch.

Levi looked down at him, his eyes blazing with an emotion Armin had never seen before.  “Armin,” he said, his voice gentle and level. “Do you trust me?”

Armin looked up at Levi.   _Did he trust him?_  Levi was the greatest soldier the world had ever seen.  He was trusted by Erwin and Hange and the rest of the Survey Corps.  He was trusted by Eren, the 104, and even Mikasa. He was trusted enough by Erwin to carry the titan serum and trusted enough by their comrades to make the decision as to who should receive it.  If so many people far better than Armin trusted Levi, then shouldn’t Armin trust him, too?

“Y-yes,” Armin whispered.  “I trust you.”

Levi offered a thin smile, something rare for the captain.  “Then let me do this for you.”

And Armin could not say no and only nodded his head, desperately praying that Levi would make all his doubts, fears, and apprehensions go away.

Deftly, Levi pulled Armin’s shirt from him and then removed his own shirt.  Armin had the briefest of glimpses of Levi’s torso: smooth, pale skin, hardened with lean, powerful muscle, covered with purple, blue, and green bruises from his 3DMG straps and his various injuries.  For a brief moment Armin wanted to be surprised, he wanted to reach out and touch the bruises or ask if Levi was alright. But he had seen those bruises a thousand times before. He often had the same bruises himself, although he didn’t push himself in his 3DMG the way Levi did.  He had never seen the damaging effect of Levi’s skill and efforts like this before.

But before he could comment or reach out or do anything else, Levi had wrapped his arms around him and was kissing him again, deeply, as if he knew how badly Armin needed it.  Armin melted into it, letting Levi’s tongue curl in his mouth, sighing against him as he felt the older man gently push them both back onto the bedroll. Armin sighed into Levi as he felt the captain pin him down, his small body on top of Armin’s even smaller one, and _grind._

Armin gasped in surprise as he felt his tenting erection rubbed by Levi’s movements.  But he was more surprised when he realized he could feel Levi’s erection as well.

 _Levi was hard._  Armin’s body trembled at the thought, his mind nearly unable to full comprehend what it meant. _Levi wanted this as much as he did._

“Don’t worry,” Levi murmured, pulling Armin from his frenzied thoughts as Levi’s hand slipped to Armin’s waist.  “You just need to relax. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Al-alright!” Armin gasped, feeling Levi’s cool fingers brush against his burning skin.  He was still shaking but he was unable to stop himself. The sensations he was feeling were so new and that it was Levi of all people who was administering these feelings was utterly overwhelming.  Armin had little choice but to surrender to the feelings as heat pooled between his legs.

Levi tugged his pants down and Armin was in too much of a haze to help him.  He felt the cool air of the tent meet his warm skin but before he could flinch at the temperature change, Levi had returned and the heat from his body enveloped Armin utterly, kissing every part he could find, moving lower and lower as he went.

Armin hissed out when he felt Levi’s breath against his cock.

He knew he wasn’t large - no part of Armin was - but it was the first time having anyone see him like this and it only made him blush more fiercely.  But Levi’s grey eyes were bright and determined and almost hungry when he looked down at Armin’s naked body.

 _The captain wasn’t going to - ?_ But Levi dipped his head down without hesitation, without recoil.  Armin’s erection bobbed in the cool night air unattended for only a moment before Levi had ducked down and enveloped Armin’s cock in the heat of his mouth.

Armin moaned, utterly helpless. _This is what is was like to be consumed,_ he thought.  But the proper way.  Not the way he consumed Bertholt, but the way a human should consume another.  Armin felt every nerve in his body alight at Levi’s touch, ever caress sent him spinning toward the edge, every kiss made him ache, every soft sound Levi made blood rush to Armin’s groin.  He was helpless but he had never felt safer in all his life than in the comforting arms of Humanity’s Strongest.

Armin gasped, his hips thrusting up on their own accord into Levi’s mouth, his body twitching and thrumming as Levi attended him.  “C-captain!” he gasped, feeling his pulsing erection pull him closer to a quick completion.

Levi pulled back, his cheeks faintly pink and his eyes bright.  “Armin,” Levi murmured, looking up at the panting blonde. “Are you sure about this?”

Armin lay limply on the ground looking up at Levi in confusion, his head still spinning.  “C-captain?”

“We can stop right now.  We don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. It’s your choice.”

His choice.  Levi didn’t say it but Armin could almost hear the apology in his voice, the apology for making the choice to turn Armin into the Colossal, for making the choice without letting Armin have any say in it.  Levi was trying to make amends as much as Armin was trying to feel human again. While it wasn’t a pleasant thought, it comforted him.

“Yes,” he breathed, reaching up for Levi.  “I want - I want this.” He wasn’t sure what it was that he wanted. And if Levi asked he he doubted that he would have been able to answer.  But his response luckily was good enough and Levi gave a slight nod and moved back up his body. Then his lips were back at Armin’s neck, kissing and sucking the skin there, making Armin gasp and groan in pleasured pain.

For a moment Armin thought Levi was fumbling with his pants.  But then he realized that Levi was opening up a small pouch on his belt that soldiers used to hold the oil for their equipment.  The part of Armin’s brain that was still working suddenly opened up and he realized what Levi was pulling the bottle out for.

“It’s alright,” Levi murmured as Armin watched him pour oil on his graceful fingers.  “This will help make it not hurt as much.”

Armin stared at Levi’s glistening fingers. He knew what this meant.  He just hadn’t had a moment to think, a moment to stop and collect himself.  Wordlessly, Levi held Armin close to him as he moved Armin’s legs apart and Armin obeyed his captain and felt his body move with Levi’s guidance, too dazed and aroused and needy to protest.

Levi’s clean hand had reached down and was circling around his bobbing erection, touching Armin enough to make him shiver in need, but not enough to let him reach new and better heights.  Armin wanted to cry out in need of Levi’s touch, but his gaze was focused on Levi’s oiled hand.

“This will feel strange,” Levi said as he ran his finger along Armin’s cleft while gently brushing his fingers against Armin’s sensitive skin, “but it’s necessary.”

“You - you can’t,” Armin whispered, staring back at Levi in horror.  For all of Levi’s obsession with cleanliness, there was no way he was going to go to a part so dirty.  “N-not there!”

Levi looked up, his expression neutral.  

“It’s - it’s dirty.”

Levi smiled faintly in appreciation of Armin’s concern.  “Did you bathe today?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then it will be alright.”  Levi’s fingers gently brushed against Armin’s inner thigh.  “You don’t need to worry about me, Armin. This is for you. We don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” he said, gently stroking Armin’s cock with his slick fingers.  “Or we can try and if you change your mind I’ll stop.”

Armin blinked, too dizzy with pleasure to be capable of making a decision.  “I - I don’t know,” he whispered. “I’ve never - ”

“That’s alright,” Levi nearly purred.  “Do you want to see what it feels like first?  Or I can just finish you off now.”

Armin had never been with a man before. Armin had never even dreamed of being with a man.  He knew the basic logistics of how sex worked; he was an avid researcher of all things. But at night when the urge came over him, he chased after the pleasure, unable to visualize being with another person when he climaxed.  Part of him thought it was because he was convinced he would be alone all his life, so there was no sense in ever thinking about finding release with another. Being with Levi was entirely new territory for him.

Armin knew that men would push themselves inside one another. But he also knew it would probably hurt quite a bit. And he also wasn’t entirely sure if that was what he wanted.  But what he did know what that he didn’t want Levi to finish him off now. He didn’t want this to end.

“N-no,” he managed to shakily say.  “Keep going, it’s alright.”

Levi kissed the side of Armin’s neck, making Armin quiver.  “If you want me to stop, just tell me,” he said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

Armin closed his eyes.  He grunted as he felt a slick finger probe at his hole.

“Relax,” Levi said sternly.  He kept one arm circled protectively around Armin, his head resting near Armin’s shoulder as his hand dipped between Armin’s spread legs.  Armin felt strange, both cradled and spread out like this, but he didn’t feel embarrassed. Levi’s finger gently pushed against Armin’s hole.  “Breathe out when I push in.”

“Al-alright.”  Armin drew in a deep breath and tried to exhale slowly as he felt Levi’s finger graze against his hole.

“Is this alright?” Levi murmured as his finger slid inside of Armin, spreading a part of him open that had never been touched before.

Armin let out a slow breath, trying not to squirm as he felt Levi’s finger curled into him.  “Yes! Keep - keep going.”

Levi’s lips kissed the skin of Armin’s collarbone, nipping at the soft skin there while his finger continued to push in and out of Armin’s ass, making Armin cry out weakly at the sensation there.

“Good,” Levi whispered.  “Just relax.”

It wasn’t long before Levi added a second finger, making Armin tremble and cry out weakly.  And when Levi pushed his fingers in a certain way and curled them, Armin cried out, his eyes wide with shock and his entire body shaking with spasms of unexpected pleasure.

“Captain!” Armin gasped out, his body suddenly limp.

Levi made a soft sound in amusement, his fingers continuing to open Armin up.  The stretch wasn’t so bad now. And now Armin was utterly and blissfully relaxed and he could feel himself opening more and more for Levi.

When Levi pulled away, Armin knew what was going to happen.  He watched, dazed, as Levi rose to his feet and removed his pants, revealing his erection for the first time.  Armin stared at Levi, his perfect, lean body, hardened and muscled, bruised and scarred, but still so pale and soft.  His penis was larger than Armin’s, although not by much, though it was far thicker. The thought of having part of Levi inside of him made Armin’s heart pound and he felt a need he never had experienced before flush through him.

Levi settled between Armin’s legs, gently tugging Armin’s hips forward so that they were angled slightly upward.  Levi moved forward, embracing Armin and guiding Armin’s legs to wrap around him, and tilted his head upwards so that he could kiss Armin again, grinding his naked flesh against Armin’s.

“Relax Armin,” Levi murmured, one hand reaching down.  Armin kept his eyes on Levi. He felt Levi’s hand trail down his stomach, he felt it wrap around his leaking cock to stroke him a few more times until he nearly sobbed in need; and then it dipped lower and left him entirely.  Armin forced himself to breathe. He knew what was coming next.

A moment later he felt something hard and burning hot nudge against his hole.  He took a deep breath. _Levi was going to enter him._ He was going to have Levi’s cock - _inside_ of him.

“Relax,” Levi said again and then he pushed.  

Armin hissed out in surprise as he felt something much larger than Levi’s fingers ease inside of him.  Although he was loosened and relaxed, he still felt the stretch of it burn him, making his body go rigid.  But Levi was there and he stopped moving the moment Armin tensed and gently kissed at the side of Armin’s neck, his free hand running up and down Armin’s chest in soothing circles as he waited for Armin to relax.

When Armin stopped shaking, he tried moving his hips a little and Levi responded but gently pushing a little farther in, easing slightly out, and then pushing again.

Armin groaned, his arms clutching at Levi as he was stretch more than he’d ever been in his life.

“Breathe, Armin,” Levi said, his voice gentle but any command from Levi was a _command_ and Armin felt himself obeying, even though his brain screamed at him to hyperventilate and trash from the strange and painful sensations.  “I know it hurts, but it’ll get better soon.”

“Al-alright!” Armin groaned, gripping the blanket he was laying on tightly in his fists as

“Breathe,” Levi said again, his voice harsher and more demanding as his cock slipped deeper inside of Armin. Armin was shaking, tears welling in his eyes but something akin to pleasure beginning to blossom within him.

“L-Levi!” Armin gasped out the name, not even caring that he didn’t use the captain’s proper title.

Levi didn’t seem concerned either and he continued to gently move himself in and out of Armin.

Armin gasped, the new sensations brimming as the tension in his body coiled and released, all the pleasure and pain rushing through him too quickly for him to register.  “C-captain!” he groaned.

“Good,” Levi breathed in his ear. His lips nipped at Armin’s neck, enough to make Armin moan but not enough to break the skin.  “Just like that. You’re doing so well for me.”

“L-Levi!” Armin mewled, his hips bucking as the pain opened entirely into pleasure.   _He wanted more of this._  “Levi!”

“I’ve got you, Armin,” Levi growled into his neck.  “You’re safe.”

Armin gasped and groaned and let himself fall apart in Levi’s arms.  Levi was gentle but driving, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure through Armin, although his fingers gripped Armin so hard he knew he would bruise.  Armin felt his hips lifting up into Levi’s, angling upwards to that Levi’s cock pushed in at the right angle, pushing against all the right spots inside of Armin, making him almost sob from the pleasure.

The stretch burned but it felt good.  Every thrust felt like Levi was pushing more and more pleasure into him, the heat building and burning and sending Armin to new heights as he was filled, consumed, and blissed out from every touch.  Levi was kissing him, nipping at his skin, touching every inch of his unscarred flesh. Armin moaned, feeling his erection slapping against his stomach, precum pooling under the tip as Levi groaning, pounding himself into Armin with panting breaths.

“Just a little more,” Levi murmured, continuing to thrust into Armin’s small frame.  “You’re nearly there.”

“P-please!  Please, Levi,” Armin gasped, but he wasn’t sure what he was even asking for.  All he knew was that he was stretching and throbbing and breaking all at the same time and his mind was emptying into a blissful haze where all he knew were Levi’s arms around him and the horrible, wonderful pleasure washing through his very bones.

“It’s alright,” Levi murmured, angling his hips so that Armin cried out.

“Please!  Please, Levi!”

“What do you need?” Levi panted, his voice ragged.

Armin didn’t know.  He had never experienced this before in his life.  All he knew is that he had never felt more human being with an impossibly perfect man thrusting pleasure into him.  

Armin wrapped his arms around Levi’s neck, wanting every part of him to touch as much of Levi as he possibly could, the heat from their bodies making Armin melt into every sensation that wracked him.

“Levi, he whispered.  “Oh, walls!  More!  I need - more!”

Levi's mouth was kissing Armin's lips, his hips thrusting rhythmically as Armin was sprawled under him in hopeless pleasure.  But it still wasn't quite enough.

"Levi," Armin gasped.  "Please - you can - you can do more.  I'll - I'll heal!"

Levi ground his hips against Armin's, nuzzling against his neck.  "I'm not going to hurt you," he murmured.

"No!" Armin whimpered.  "I want - I need - more!  Please!  I'l heal - it's alright."

If Levi was surprised by the request he didn't show it.  But he began to thrust harder.  He grunted, his eyes searing bright and instead of kisses he nipped at Armin's skin, his mouth biting and sucking bruises into Armin's pale flesh.  Levi pinched at Armin's nipples, making him mewl in pain and need and want.  And all the while, Levi continued to rock into Armin, pushing and puling his thick length in and out of Armin's tight passage.  Armin groaned, his cock spraying watery precum all over his stomach and Levi's as he neared his limit.

“It’s alright, Armin,” Levi whispered as he continued to thrust.   “It’s alright, Armin. You can cum now.”

“Levi!” Armin mewled.

“Cum for me, Armin!” Levi groaned, angling himself so that he slammed into parts Armin didn’t know he had inside him.  At the command, Armin felt himself fall apart, spinning and spiraling out of control and rushing towards something he desperately crazed.

“Levi!” He cried out, his mind going blissfully blank in a fierce flash of white, overwhelming bliss as his body shook and he felt his climax wash over him in waves of swelling pleasure and release.

A moment later Armin dimly registered that Levi had thrust into him several more times with extra force and grunted, a low moan spilling from his lips as he gripped ARmin, holding them close together as Armin felt a searing heat lance inside of him.

Armin trembled, letting the pleasure continue to roll through his body, the waves making his body shake and quiver, rhythmically pulsing in need and completion as he spilled himself between himself and the captain while Levi filled inside of him.

Levi nearly fell onto Armin, although he was collected enough to roll himself off on the side.  They laid together for a moment, breathing heavily, trying to catch their breaths and calm their wildly beating hearts, before Levi gently adjusted his hips and slowly removed himself from Armin.

Armin grunted softly as he felt Levi leave him, feeling suddenly both empty and dirty.  He could feel the heat of Levi’s cum inside of him and he clenched himself, keeping it inside of him for reasons he couldn’t name.

Levi turned Armin’s face toward him, his eyes dark with concern. “Are you alright?” he asked softly.

Armin almost laughed.  He was being held in Levi’s arms, covering in their shared fluids and all he could think about was how strange it was to see the faint tinge of pink on Levi’s cheeks, to hear the heavy breathing from the composed man, to see the scattering of dark hair out of place across his brow.  “I’m - I’m alright,” Armin said and he meant it. His limbs were weak, his heart was pounding and he could already feel an ache in his legs and between them. But he felt alive and that mattered the most.

Levi gave him the faintest of smiles.  “Good.” He made a soft sound of annoyance, glancing down between them.  “I’m going to leave for a few minutes and get some cloths to clean up, if that’s alright with you.”  When Armin only wearily nodded, Levi touched his chin. “Armin. Is that alright?”

Armin nodded again.  “Yes,” he managed. “That’s alright.”

“Good.  I’ll be right back.”

When Levi returned Armin was almost asleep but he had forced himself to stay away to wait for the captain to return.  The damp cloth was cool and made him flinch but it felt nice to be cleaned up. It felt nice to be taken care of. The last time someone had washed him was when he was a child - before his parents died -

With the last wipe of the cloth, Levi lowered Armin back down onto the bedroll.  “Armin,” Levi said softly, leaning over him to gently kiss his forehead. “Get some sleep.  I’ll stay with you tonight.”

Armin fell asleep almost instantly, utterly sated and feeling completely safe with humanity’s strongest soldier sitting next to him in his tent.

 

_________________

 

Armin awoke to the sound of a crackling fire outside the tent.  Groaning softly, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, expecting to be wincing in pain, but he felt nothing at all.

He looked down at his hand and was almost surprised to see that it was completely healed; not a mark was on it.  Armin nodded to himself; _he had titan powers._  He of course had known it all along, but this was the first time that he had actually witnessed it himself.  And, even better, he had healed without setting off a partial transformation, which would have been disastrous for Levi.

Armin froze at the thought.   _Levi._  The only person who could be outside the tent was the Captain.  And that meant Armin needed to face him. He swallowed, unsure of what to say or do.  He had never slept with anyone before, so he was unsure of the etiquette. And even if he had, he certainly didn’t know the etiquette for sleeping with Levi.

Armin took a deep breath.  He could do this. Levi was human, after all.

Next to him were his clothes, neatly folded.  Biting back a smile, Armin reached for his shirt.  Levi had also left a canteen with a folded cloth draped over it.  Inside the tent, Armin splashed a little water on his face and quickly used the cloth to wipe himself down again.  Luckily, Levi had gotten most of it last night, but an extra wipe down certainly wasn’t a bad thing. Knowing that Levi could hear him moving inside the tent, Armin hurriedly pulled on his pants and boots and tugged his shirt on so that he could at least look presentable when he left the tent.

When he emerged from the tent, Levi was sitting across from the freshly-stoked fire, holding a mug in his hands.

Armin hesitated.  “Good morning,” he managed, unsure of what else to say.

Levi’s face was unreadable and any trace of the affectionate, gentle, and all too human Levi from the night before was gone, replaced with the typically irritated Captain.  “How are you feeling?”

“I’m - I’m fine,” Armin answered, somewhat startled by how easy it was for Levi to change back into his normal self.  “Thank you.”

Levi surveyed him for a moment more, then nodded to a cup resting near the fire.  “There’s some tea, if you’d like.”

“Thank you, sir.” Armin slowly lowered himself near where the cup was.  Levi must have poured it when he was getting ready.

Levi watched him take a tentative sip.  “Have you healed?”

Armin nodded.  “Y-yes, sir,” he said, holding up his unmarred hand.  “There’s no sign of a wound.”

Levi looked almost annoyed.  “I didn’t mean your hand.”

Armin choked on the tea, nearly spitting it out and if he didn’t know any better he swore he saw Levi almost smile at that.  But a moment later Levi’s features were back to being carefully arranged in a neutral expression.

“Y-yes, sir,” Armin managed to choke out, blushing fiercely.  

Levi shook his head.  “Tch. Stop acting so skittish.  Nothing has changed since yesterday.  I’m still your captain. You still have to learn to use your titan abilities.”

Armin nodded, looking down at his tea, unsure of what else to do or say.  

Levi seemed to hesitate, still watching Armin closely.  “Did last night make it better or worse?”

Armin managed to hold down his blush this time.  “I think - better,” Armin answered honestly. “I feel more like myself.  Like - I’m still human.” He felt a little foolish saying it aloud, but it was the truth.

Levi nodded, looking him over, his eyes sharp, and Armin felt himself flush at that, remembering how Levi had seen and touched every inch of him the night before.  Levi frowned, looking openly annoyed. “Are you going to act like this every time I look at you now?”

Armin’s blush deepened.  “N - no, sir.”

Levi took a sip of his tea. “Are you hungry?”  Levi gestured to the bag of rations sitting near the fire.  “You need to eat.”

Armin opened the bag of rations and picked up a hunk of bread and some of the dried fruits in a tin.  Levi was right: he needed to eat. He needed to save his strength. Armin bit into one of the hunks of bread the soldiers had left him, feeling the warm relief of having food in him blossom in his stomach. “Thank you, Captain.”

Levi shook his head, looking back at the fire, although Armin could tell that he was pleased.  After a moment he made a grumbled sound before muttering, “In private, Levi is fine.”

Armin felt his cheeks flush at that.   _Thank you, Levi,_ he said silently, not trusting himself to speak.

 

_________________

 

Armin looked up at the distant hill where the smoke signal had issued from.  He knew, far away, Hange was watching him with a telescopic lens. And he knew next to her were Eren and Levi.  His oldest friend. His greatest advocate.

Armin closed his palm into a fist, ignoring the throb from the cut he had just made.  He could do this. They all depended on him. Eren. Mikasa. Levi. Erwin. Everyone behind the walls needed him to do this.  And with his friends he knew he could. Because he, Armin, would claim this titan as his own. He wasn’t Bertholt. He wasn’t the Colossal.  He was little Armin Arlert and he had the power to protect the people he cared about, even it was a nevertheless monstrous power. And he knew he could use it not to destroy, but to save.

Armin looked up at the sky, wondering what it might look like when it happened.  Would he see the electricity in the clouds? Would he hear the rushing thunder? Armin closed his eyes, visualizing that horrible heat, that blinding flash, the great creaking and cracking of too-large bones springing into existence while raw flesh wrapped around them.  He took a deep breath and pictured himself standing tall, monstrously huge, a monolith of terror, a symbol of power. He could do this. He couldn’t picture himself being a hero. But he certainly wasn’t a villain. But perhaps he could be the shield that Erwin once was.  Perhaps he could be a symbol that the Eldians had reclaimed Paradis and the titans - that the symbol of destruction was now their symbol of taking back their freedom. He could visualize himself being exactly what his friends needed him to be, even if what they needed was the Colossal.

Armin almost smiled in relief when he felt the hair on his arms stand up as the lightning rushed from the sky to meet him. _He could do this._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually do one-shots, but I hope everyone enjoyed it!
> 
> I should also note that when I started this, I fully intended on writing a 2000 word long story. Annnnnd it's at over 14,000. Sigh.
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments or criticisms - I thrive on hearing from my readers :)


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